I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize