remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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