The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
