dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
