new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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