Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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