Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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