Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
