You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
