I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
