Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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