I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
