he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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