im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize