my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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