you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
