you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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