Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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