My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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