I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
