Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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