1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
