I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
