I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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