So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
