I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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