I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your dad touched me again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
