i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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