I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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