I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
