it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
