GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
