now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
