Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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