I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize