He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
