I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize