Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize