We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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