so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
