I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
