perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
