that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
