It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize