just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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