Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
