Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
