so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize