I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
