What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
