I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
