So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
