i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
