hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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