I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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