my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
