Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
