Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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