What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
