we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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