You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize