Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
