where am i from again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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