Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
