And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
