I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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