think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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