I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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