She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
