I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
