What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
