he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
