Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
