I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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