He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
