apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize