just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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