Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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