Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
