this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
