when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
