you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
