i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
