omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
