Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
