What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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