he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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