I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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