I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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