Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
worst night to have a conscience
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
