Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
