She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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