My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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