; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
