Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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