I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
