I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
