is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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